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Helping Children Accept Themselves Through Stories

Giuliana Fenech • Oct 26, 2019

Today I would like to share some thoughts about self-acceptance. 

Many parents and teachers of little children say that it is so difficult to hear them say things like, ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am so ugly’, ‘I don’t want to go to the party because everyone will laugh at my hair’. 

It is not only a challenge for children but also for us grown-ups. 

How do we convince them that they are good enough?

How do we reassure them that no one is going to laugh at them?

How do we move beyond our own feelings of insecurity?

So many times, as parents and teachers, we offer reassurances to comfort our children but deep inside we are worried. 

Worried that maybe someone will laugh at them. 

Worried that they give more importance to other people’s opinions of them than is healthy.

The easiest thing for us to do is offer a practical solution. ‘OK, we won’t go to the party, we’ll go get ice-cream instead.’

The hardest thing for us to do is sit next to them and listen, without trying to fix it for them. 

A middle way is to share the moment with them whilst giving them resources to work on self-acceptance.

Stories are a good resource to help develop self acceptance because they allow children to think about themselves through the experience of others. 

Let’s use the story, The Stag at the Pool by Aesop, as an example.

A thirsty stag went down to a pool to drink. 

As he bent over the surface he saw his own reflection in the water. ‘Wow’, he thought to himself, ‘look at my antlers, they are so beautiful.’ 

Then he looked at his legs and he felt sad and disappointed, ‘But look at my legs, they are so skinny and weak and ugly.’ 

While he stood there looking at himself, he was seen and attacked by a lion but he ran away he managed to go so fast that the lion could not keep up.

The stag had managed to escape!

‘Oh, he thought to himself, ‘had it not been for my legs I would have been caught.’ 

After that day he never thought badly of his legs because he knew that when he needed them to save his life, they did. 

Using the stag as an example, we can spend some time helping children to appreciate who they are.

We can use the lesson that the stag learnt about his legs to show children that they are good enough. 

Using the story as an example, we can help them find positive things about the parts of themselves they like least.

Repeatedly offering them stories about self acceptance helps children change the negative thoughts they have about themselves into positive ones. 

If you need help finding the right stories for your children, email us to ask about our new programme called 21 Stories for 21 Days. 

In this programme (launching 1st December) we send you a story a day for 21 days (because in 21 days you can change negative patterns into positive ones). Our email address is: hello@curiousandcourageous.com 

By Giuliana Fenech 24 Nov, 2020
Hope you are doing OK. Listen, I just read an article which really upset me. It wasn't saying anything new but it's still sad. The title read: 'Pandemic toll on mental health continues to deepen and the rise in self harm reaches an all time peak.' I want to remind you, remind myself, to take care of US...not just all those around us but also ourselves. What makes you happy? What gives you joy? We must remember to do more of those things. Perhaps we can share tips with one another on how we practice self care...I'll put a post up in our Facebook group for this tomorrow. Join Storytelling With Children As you reflect on this, I want you to know that I am sending you a big hug and I want to remind you that there are many ways in which you can connect with us to receive support. 🙏You can join our FB group and engage with the content that we post there. 🙏You can sign up for our storytelling club, which gives you and the children something to look forward to each month and a delicious themed story pack to share together. Sign up here and use the coupon HALFOFFSTORY to get a 50% discount. 🙏You can create your own story and send it to us. Writing and creating can be therapeutic...don't worry about writing the perfect story or following the rules or anything like that. Just tap into your 6 year old inner child and let yourself have fun! Please take good care of yourself, ok? Reach out to a friend, reach out to us. Be aware of your wellbeing ❤ Now...on to the subject of my email today. So many parents are surprised by the fact that their children love hearing stories. In my conversations with you, you always tell me, 'The more stories I tell my children, the more stories they want to hear!' 😍😏🙄 I want to share the reasons why this happens because, you see, it is not random. Quite the opposite. Your children's love for stories is connected to their cognitive and emotional development. Between the ages of 5 to 10 and even younger, children still experience the world around them mostly through a multidimensional lense. They use all of their five senses far more than adults do and that is why we sometimes perceive their behaviour to be very physical and 'rowdy'. It is not that they are rowdy but rather that they don't process the world around them through thinking. The world is still a relatively new place to them and so they need to take it all in to understand how they form part of it. Think of yourself on holiday in a new place. Think of the first few hours that you spend in that new place 😮 You are more aware of the smells, the sounds, the way everything is laid out around you, the new tastes and textures. You take it all in at your own pace and savour it because it is new and exciting. In those days that you are in a different place, you are connected to a new sense of discovery and possibility. You remember what it is like to be free to wander and explore, you are more aware of what is around you as you move through the space and you definitely take much less for granted. In many ways, you become a child again and this is why holidays are so reinvigorating. For little children, the everyday world can often feel magical in the same way that our holiday vacations feel magical to us. Little children are able to simply be...to be in the moment, to be fully focused on what they are doing, to be free of the million thoughts that so often plague the adult mind and simply explore and discover new things... And this, my friends, is why they love stories so much! Stories take us on holiday even when we haven't gone anywhere. They present us with the possibility to travel through new worlds, meet new people (or creatures) and go on adventures that thrill and excite us. Stories allow us to remain children, to continue being in the world in a state of joy, to develop our sense of 'I see, I wonder'. I know that for us, sharing stories becomes just another thing that we have to do every day because our children seem to need it. However, if we are able to slow down just a little and savour the moment we will find that story sharing can also become part of our own self-care. Actually tuning in to the stories that we share with our children rather than completing the task on automatic, can be immensely nourishing for us. And, that is my invitation to you today. It is also the reason why I set up the storytelling club. I know it is easier for you to model how I introduce the children to stories and help them relate to them so now we have a monthly appointment to meet up and do this together. I pushed the fee as low as I could...just circa $8 a month with our current 50% discount using the code HALFOFFSTORY . For $8 you receive a themed story pack and workbook with 12 printables and 12 audios, as well as a live online storytelling session each month. SIGN ME UP NOW! I know right...pure gold. Jump on board today before the special launch price goes away. Looking forward to meeting you for our first session soon! Remember, meanwhile, take good care of yourself. So much love, Giuliana
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