This is for you if:
✨You desire a strong and open relationship with your children but often find yourself arguing with them;
✨You are determined to raise your children with strong values but often end up shouting because they don’t seem to understand priorities;
✨You sometimes struggle to understand your children’s inner thoughts and feelings;
✨You are unsure of how to deal with your children’s difficult emotions and behaviours;
✨ wish your children to grow into happy and successful teenagers and adults but often feel confused because our time is a complicated and fast changing one;
✨ You feel exhausted because you’re doing too much and at the same time guilty because you feel you are not doing enough.
If you relate to one or more of those you are probably already a conscious parent or on your way to becoming one.
You wake up each morning with the aim to be the best parent in the world and you go to bed with your head spinning as you revisit all the moments in the day that you could have handled better.
You lie there thinking of all the things that you will do the following day to make it better.
You probably search google for good parenting tips and end up reading tens of articles, which leave you feeling more confused.
Let me share a hack that I very often talk about with all our members in The Story Solution, that they say has changed their parenting life.
Instead of searching for articles that tell you how to be a better parent, search for articles on how we heal our inner child.
You see (and this may sound a little controversial) parenting is not really about raising our children. It is about healing our inner child.
There’s a lot to say about this but let me outline the main point briefly – when we become parents we are tasked with the responsibility of raising happy and healthy kids.
The world assumes that we are qualified for this, that we are ready.
The truth is many of us find ourselves becoming parents when we are at the start of our own journey of self-discovery and parenting just shows us (most often in highlighter pink) all the cracks inside of ourselves.
We project onto our children, the unhealed issues that stem from our own childhood.
Yep. Ouch. That hurts.
If I grew up feeling that I am never good enough I will probably have overly high expectations of my child;
If I grew up in a household where money was an issue – ‘hard to make and hard to keep’ – I probably teach my children that hard work is inevitable and constant;
If I grew up with anxious overprotective parents, I probably overprotect my own child too.
‘But, I don’t want to!’ I hear you yell.
Then become more conscious of what your cracks are so that you can heal them and put on your parenting cap with a new kind of energy.
Set up a storytelling system in your family because stories are humankind’s oldest and most powerful form of communication. I will share some tips on how I do this:
📖 Journal – I journal every morning and evening. In the morning I write down my intention for the day – one thing I wish to give my children today. In the evening I write down how it went – what worked and what I can do better.
📖 Communicate your intentions – I leave notes all over the house – each one invites my children to think about something specific and share their thoughts. For example, at the top of one sheet I will put ‘Write down what is worrying you today’, ‘Write down one positive focus for today’, ‘What kind thing can you do or say today?’, ‘What can I do for you today?’ This gives every member of the family insight into how everyone else is feeling and it is a great resource for connection!
📖 Share inspiration – I like to find short stories that help us all reflect on ourselves and our behaviours and place them around the house. My kids love looking for the story of the day and trying to guess which it is. Doesn’t have to be a different story every time as long as it is a story with powerful truths and guidance it will work.
This system will help you to become more conscious of what is going on inside of you, allowing you to be more present for your children.
One thing though…
Please don’t try to do all of this alone though. Team up with a good friend or reach out to me.
If you want continued support you can join our membership programme The Story Solution for Parents.
I have been practising these systems for years and can help you develop yours.