Walk away from fear NOW!
How stories help us move away from fear and into truth
Fear is a frame of mind, a single voice amid a hundred others, that stories can help us flip around.
Often we feel afraid when we think we have lost control of our lives or the lives of those we love. The voice of fear is deep and strong and very very convincing.
When the news of a global pandemic broke, for a few days I was afraid that my children’s lives would be turned upside down.
Then I remembered how years ago, during my divorce process, I would lay awake all night afraid that my children’s lives were ruined forever.
And, ten years before that, when my twins were in ICU, I sat by their incubators and cried, day in day out, because I was afraid that their lives would be marked by this pain and sadness.
You see, fear is a frequent visitor to all of us, especially parents, because we live with our hearts outside of our bodies. We live every moment conscious of the wellbeing of our children because, deep down, we know that try as we may to keep them safe in colourful bubbles, life will have its way.
When my twins were born they were in special care for weeks. One day, as I sat by the incubator, tears streaming down my cheeks, a nurse sat next to me and asked why I was crying.
When I told her that I felt sad because my children were in pain and afraid because this was not the life I had imagined for them she said…
‘Listen to me very carefully.
This sadness and this fear is yours not your children’s.
They will not remember any of it.
They will hear you tell the story of how their lives began and they will retell it as their hero story, as something brave that they accomplished.
It will make them smile and deep down they will feel proud to have experienced this.
So, don’t be afraid for them.
They will not carry this painful memory forward.
Only you will.’
My jaw dropped.
She was right!
It made so much sense, it seemed so simple and yet it was a complete lightbulb moment for me.
The tears stopped, she had taught me a life lesson that would gift me more serenity than I could ever have imagined.
From that moment on, when I hear the voice of fear in the distance I pause and check whose story the voice is telling. Is it really my story?
Is it someone else’s story, which I do not need to own?
And then going deeper, when I am afraid for my children, is the voice really telling their story or mine?
If it is mine I can breathe, I can remind myself that children experience the world differently to us.
BREATHE. OBSERVE. LEAN IN.
Just like I don’t need to carry other people’s fear stories, my children do not need to carry mine.
What I am afraid of, my child may be oblivious to.
That ICU nurse taught me that fear is just one voice, that there are many voices telling the same story and that it is MY RESPONSIBILITY to walk away from the voices that don’t belong to me and my gift to realise that my children will do the same.
What a relief!
I don’t need to own other people’s fears and my children do not need to own mine.
BREATHE. OBSERVE. LEAN IN.
A story to reflect upon:
Once there was a city surrounded by a high wall with only one gateway. One day a fierce and terrible giant came and placed himself right outside. No one could go in or out. Whenever anyone tried to get close, he reared up, brandishing a huge club. At last the king himself decided to face the giant. He stepped towards him but the giant jumped to his feet and let out a thunderous roar. For a moment the king faltered but then he took another step. The giant roared again but the king kept going. And then he noticed a strange thing – the closer he came, the smaller the giant seemed to become. In fact, by the time he reached him, the giant was no bigger than his little finger. Bending down, the king picked him up and put him on the palm of his hand. ‘Who are you?’ he asked. ‘My name’, said the giant, ‘is fear’.
Rest easy. All will be well.
